Paper

The concept of fear can either hold one back or make one stronger. The emotion of fear is part of human nature. Throughout existence one experiences situations that evoke fear and it is how one deals with that fear that molds the outcome. Dictionary.com defines fear as,

“–Noun A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Fear is a feeling of intense ecstasy that makes one feel weary about proceeding. Weather it be a figment of thought or real physical threat fear is an emotional response to a self perceived threat. As humans it is how one copes with this emotion that will make one superior to the self-inflicted barrier.  

I have decided to write this midterm paper analyzing the concept of fear through my present situation. My understanding of this course is that it is a self-exploration, studying our personal mental makeup through concepts of literature. This class is exactly what I needed to grow and move forth in my journey ahead.

As human beings we all have mental lists of things we wish to accomplish in life. These desires mold the path of your journey. I have believe every step alone the journey holds importance. In spring 2011 I am planning to study abroad, with the intentions to make it a learning and culturally mind opening experience. I have always wanted to travel and learn other cultures; I long to explore while I have the time on this earth. When I took the Archetype test online it classified my dominant archetype as The Seeker. Archetypes 101 explained the Seeker as,

“The Explorer/Seeker/Wanderer leaves the known to discover and explore the unknown. This inner rugged individual braves loneliness and isolation to seek out new paths. Often oppositional, this iconoclastic archetype helps us discover our uniqueness, our perspectives, and our callings” (http://www.herowithin.com/arch101.html).

This is very fitting for my personality and current decision to study abroad. I am a being that seeks to know the unfamiliar and discover my inner callings. I decided to study abroad to open my mind to learning about different culture and to further discover myself as an artist. Although it could result in the feeling of isolation.

The world is a huge sphere of opportunity waiting to be experienced. I am currently working through my spring semester as a sophomore getting a head start on the study abroad process. I am collecting information and considering my feasible options. The more I look into the program the more I start to understand what will lie ahead. I fell in love with a school in Florence Italy, which is widely respected university and culturally intrigues me. Florence University of Art filled my mind with the opportunities I crave. As an Art studio major with the intentions of further studies in graduate school to receive my masters, I want to study abroad at a school that offers higher levels of ceramic classes, which FUA offered along with many other courses that would improve my knowledge and artistic side. The studios are held in historical building I would be creating art in art history. This seemed to be my heaven and perfect place to study. Looking further into the economical side of the program I realized the money I needed to study in Italy was unrealistic.

            My dream of going to Italy seemed to be so out of reach. I would have to come up with almost $30,000 of loans on top on the ones I already have. I would be paying $20,000 a semester, which is almost triple IUP tuition. My other expenses would be airfare round trip, food, housing, academic supplies and personal travel. The exchange rate is 1 US dollar= .739918609 Euro. Realistically my dream of Italy was crushed. I looked into other programs, but nothing compared to my ecstasy towards Italy. My thoughts soon turned negative and I feared money would hold me back. It seemed easier to stay at IUP, go to grad school and find a job. A self perceived boring straight line seemed to be my fate.

            The fear of money kept me from achieving what I wanted most. Money created a barrier in my path that I could not get around. My mind created a mental threat of leaving my familiar and failing. What if I cannot adjust to the culture shock and fail my classes? What if when I went abroad solo I didn’t have a social life and would have to travel alone. While I am over there I definitely want to travel Europe and see the world. What if I travel alone and something happens to me? Fear quickly became an intruding aspect of my process. I would have to turn my negative fear into adrenaline. That way instead of letting fear hold me back it would conspire me to move forward. This embellishes the shadow side of The Seeker Awakening the Heroes Within defines the qualities as, “The perfectionist, always striving to measure up to an impossible goal to find the “right” solution. We see this in people whose main activity is self-improvement, yet who never feel ready to commit to accomplishing anything” (16). I fear I will not be able to commit and back down. I was striving to find the best potential program for what I want and not considering all practical aspects. I was setting in impossible goal to find the “right” solution disregarding the other many possible options.

            I approached Jay, my study abroad advisor, with my conundrum. She presented the idea of The University of Zagreb in Croatia explaining the reachable reality of the opportunity. It was a reciprocal exchange program, which means that I would be paying IUP tuition, food and housing.  My other expenses would be airfare round trip, personal travel, academic supplies and basic necessities to get by. This means I would only have to find about $5,000 additional dollars of loans at the very most. I could work this summer making enough money to bring over also. The reality of the situation was that it was the closest to IUP expenses that I could get. The exchange rate for 1 US dollar= 5.3485 Croatian Kuna. Economically Croatia seemed to be in my budget.

Jay introduced me to Jenny who worked in the Office of International Education and had experience with studying abroad. Jenny explained to me the accommodations that I would face and shared her personal experiences. She helped me understand that there were going to be many students in my same situation. I would receive a list of IUP students and where they were studying whom I could possibly stay with when I travel. The people I room with while I am in Croatia and fellow peers will act as a social network for travel. She put many of my fears at ease, giving me the power to feel completely positive about the situation. She told me if I had any questions or just wanted to talk to feel free to contact her.

In my journey I see Jay and Jenny as my supernatural aids they helped me find understanding and power in my journey. The knowledge they posses was my sword of certain victory. As they continue to mold my mind with knowledge I begin to understand what my future abroad holds. They are what is getting me through this endless process of doubt, my ups and downs. Just like Obi One Kenobi did for Luke when he doubted his abilities as a Jeteye he told him to “feel the force.” 

So as I stepped out of my comfortable familiar state of mind I entered into the vast world of studying abroad. I accepted my call to journey to Croatia and committed into the program. In order to step into the first threshold I defeated my fear of the unfamiliar and possible failures that I may face along the way. They can only bring distance and me down from my goal of studying abroad.

As I progress into the belly of the whale I am redirecting my energy of fear into gaining more knowledge about the Croatian culture, The University of Zagreb and surrounding countries I wish to travel. I alone will make or break my journey over there it is up to me to gain the knowledge to succeed. I will have to study the basics of the Croatian language to get by. Hopefully this journey will help me emerge as a new person and provoke the artist inside of me. Just as the Buddhist teaching brought meaning to the life of the Dalai Lama, Studying abroad will help me open my mind to the possibilities of my life.

Fear is a strong emotion that has tempted me to stray from studying abroad. After I have come this far in the process I know I will regret not going. I have to look past my fears of staying with the familiar. Just as the rabbits in Watership Down looked past their fears of leaving the warren to seek a safer place to live. They faced many obstacles to reach Watership Down, but each one taught them something alone the way and opened their eyes. Everything I experience through my journey will teach me to be stronger and wiser. Enlightenment can only be reached through experience in my journey.

________________________________

Pearson, Carol. Awakening The Heroes Within. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, 1991